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EDEN BENIBO

Writer, Story teller & thought Leader

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Abasibiangake Essienubong

Abasibiangake Essienubong

AloudArticlesEXPRESS~SHUNSalted Words

by Abasibiangake Essienubong March 9, 2021

AN OPEN LETTER TO MY BOSS ON INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY

Dear Boss,
At first, when I saw your mail asking me to submit an entry, I was ecstatic! A competition about women – challenging gender bias? Wow! But as I began to think about doing it, anxiety began to set in; adding to my other daily battles. So instead, I thought to write you a letter about an average day in my life as a female graphic artist.

When I wake up in the morning, there’s really nothing to remind me that I’m female. Oh, I forgot – except it’s that time of the month. I mean, it comes up every 21 days or less, and lasts for three days or more. That’s pretty average if you ask me…
On such days, I begin to go through my wardrobe, looking for an outfit that is an ally with the colour red, yet is corporate enough and still expressive of the creative that I am. And that is the first challenge – being a female graphic artist means I need to be able to get up and move (tools in my backpack) and that mostly requires trousers, sneakers, and tops. But I love dresses too. Pretty, cute dresses. I adore pink (with emphasis on the ‘adore’).

However, I have learned to wear trousers and top more often; not just because they are comfortable, but because I have met people who look down on me or ignore what I do simply because to them, I have to be dressed as a ‘tomboy’ to be a graphics artist.

Fast forward to me in the office, crippled by mood swings and cramps, but having to act normal because “menstruation” is such a sacred word. But that’s not the height of it. It is knowing that in my 4years plus of designing, I have never physically met or worked with a fellow female graphics designer – let alone had one as my team lead. And oh the things I’m missing out on! There is no role model to show me all that is possible; no one to understand what being a woman on the job feels like; plus I don’t even get to enjoy girly relatable on-the-job jokes. But then again, some people will say I should be thankful.

They talk about female bosses being angry, fierce, difficult to please, and the list goes on. This brings me to the third issue; stereotypes.

Isn’t that what this year’s International Women’s Day is about? Challenging the many hasty generalizations and stereotypical statements which have existed for so long. For instance, the other day I was brainstorming with a colleague and he said “phew, you can never please women.” I started to ask what the conversation had to do with pleasing women and he repeated the statement. And you know what? I didn’t fight it. Because first, I was reserving my energy for the work I had to do and secondly because I knew it was more of a handed-down mindset – of which stealing five minutes from my office time will do nothing to change.
“Women are complex/complicated”
“Women have problem”
“Women are too emotional” – and when you are not, you are “manly” (talk about pleasing people!)
It’s a long list. Just ask the lady beside you, she probably remembers her top ten receipts without flinching.

At the close of work, I pick up my bag and head home but I am not excited about the trip home. Rather, I look forward to actually getting home; doors locked, safe and in one piece. But who knows what I shall be called today? Yesterday, I was called “big breast”, the other day, “my wife” and once, a man walking opposite me said he wishes he could grab my breast and squeeze it. Yet, the ones that call at you are even better than those who actually reach out to grab you. Even decent, looking working class men in clean rides. You will be surprised! And when you complain? They say they are appreciating ‘God’s work’. They even wonder why you are complaining. Others even question if that is not what every woman wants.


I can go on and on about all the things that make living as a woman feel like a daily battle. Nevertheless, I still think baby girls are cute. I still look forward to having one and raising a woman who is better at winning in this world – while we’re still changing it, one day at a time.

In the meantime, I hope you share this letter with the person next to you – male and female alike. I hope it helps. But most importantly, I hope it lends a voice to the many whispers of women across the world.
Thank you.
Yours faithfully,
A pretty graphics artist.

March 9, 2021 1 comment
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AloudArticlesEXPRESS~SHUNSalted WordsShort stories

My Lockdown Story – Abasibiangake Essienubong

by Abasibiangake Essienubong May 6, 2020

Let’s Hear From an Indoor Body
(A Lockdown Story)
By Abasibiangake Essienubong (AmazingIby)

ROLLER-COASTER

Is that cliché? Well maybe it is. And if it is, then it’s with greater pleasure that I’m sharing this on your behalf. If it isn’t, then I think you need to see this.
For me March 29th, 2020 was pure joy. I was just settling into having nowhere to go after finishing my National Youth Service a few days prior. I had begun staying offline away from the many “what’s next?” questions while trying to answer the turbulent question myself. So imagine my joy when I learnt everybody was now consigned to the same fate; not the joblessness, but the one thousand and five reasons not to go anywhere.
Suddenly, the questions stopped and excitement followed. Nigerians- Lagosians in particular- were filled with so much energy and took to the streets of social media to expend their energy. People signed up to Tik-Tok; Thriller; opened new social media accounts, and everywhere you went the energy was massive. Majority of my contacts regularly had waist-beads for WhatsApp status. The whole thing did not feel like a pandemic, but like we were school children making the most of a long deserved holiday.
And holiday it was. The contents were amazing. Creativity beat out more creativity. Challenge after challenge, and still no king. BOP Daddy, Don’t Rush, Never Have I Ever? Pillow, Bingo Board…
Don’t beat yourself up if you didn’t do any of these challenges, I only did the Bingo Board. And before you start to feel still alone, I only did it because it involved me dotting 13 0ut of 25 points (find below). But that’s not to say I didn’t have my own attempts at having fun.

I enrolled for photo editing tutorial classes, and all was going well till I woke up one night and my sewing machine was just gazing at me, reminding me of all the good times.
So I turned to sewing; nocturnal sewing. And I churned out a few good post-lockdown outfits.
I visited my Pinterest archive and started ticking my to-do DIY list.
I did video calls, till my data began to remind me I have no full time paying job.
I planned numerous photo shoots- to be the shot and the shooter- with my only [email protected] buddy, but she obliged me just once. And it turns out she’s a great photographer.

I maintained a daily at least 15minutes exercise routine and it was super successful- for one week.
I tried evening strolls too; once in a week.
I did night-sitting. Night-sitting by my definition is spending time late at night looking out of my window and thinking of many things that have been and can be.
Then gradually everything began to slow pace. It wasn’t just me. The COVID-19 casualty figures began to rise and the tangibility of the sad reality could be tasted on almost every tongue. Celebrities were not left out, family members were saying their awful goodbyes from a distance and hunger was beginning to pinch many in the sides of their stomach they had never felt it before. The WhatsApp waist-bead began to fall off in their numbers and soon the BCs stopped flowing.
My laptop screen crashed and I realised how important going out is- a very important message for an indoor person like me. I missed my niece’s birthday and a thousand letters back and forth couldn’t make up for all the plans I had that were not to be, nor did her seven-year-old self really fully grasp why this pandemic had chosen now of all times. I realised how much I needed to be more intentional about building friendships. The harsh reality of post-pandemic started to worry my mind and all I just wanted to do was cuddle in bed.
But sometimes what we want is not what is meant to be.


I thought so hard and worried so much I began to draft a daily to-do-list. I enrolled for courses to stay productive but as someone tweeted once; “to enrol for an online course is human, to finish it, is divine”. Yet, I figured what was important was living each day significantly. So I pressed on, including sleeping and playing in my to-do list.
I read, I prayed, I sang my favourite hit tracks, I cried. I spent time with my only [email protected] buddy. We cooked, and played scrabble and laughed over memories and cleaned the house. I COOKED. In my entire life, I have never cooked the number of dishes in the span of time like this period. You can’t blame me, I am the lastborn and I only started cooking in the University. But I can now say my culinary skills are top-notch- not as a professional- but for all the tastiest meals you can get at home; and my steady consumer-cum-judge can attest to that.

So while I’m still figuring out what each day holds for me, I can say it was a worthy experience. But if given the chance, would I do it again?
No way! Not with all the people who had no shelter; those who stayed stuck in places they would rather not be; those who have lost their jobs to the economic down toll; those lost to the pandemic; the health workers constantly risking their lives; and you, whatever your challenges have been.

A Note From Eden: Dear IB,
As I read your story, a million and one emotions were triggered within me. I could relate and feel the life within every paragraph. Thanks for sharing your truth with us. I look forward to sharing more of your inside out stories here on- ‘Express-Shun’.
The world is dark enough, continue to shine the light that you are!
Much love!!

May 6, 2020 35 comments
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