He was desperate. So desperate he thought he could tear himself apart limb by limb without feeling an iota of pain. The continuous noise from the clock in a room this big was enough to tell it all. His endless pacing around only resurfaced flashbacks about the other night. If only she were here, she always knew how to calm me down in situations like this. She understood his every emotion and was very tolerant. No matter how many times she actually complained about his bad habits, she never left him. She always found a way to overlook his flaws. He refused to notice that she was suffering in silence. He did not care to ask why her smile was no longer that bright smile that could light up a room. It had dimmed during the years but she still stayed hoping that he might one day realize. Well, it wasn’t until she left that he did a complete introspection on his life, their relationship and all others that he finally realized that he could not live without her. She was his source of joy. Aarrghh… he never fails to beat himself up when he remembered that he had such 360 perfection worship him every single day for five years yet he failed to acknowledge and appreciate her efforts. He knew deep down that he did not deserve her. she deserved the best and he knew that asides from money which he had in abundance, there was nothing else he had to offer. To think she never spent his money carelessly, ahh… she was a rare jewel. A beautiful being with a beautiful soul. He lost her to his stupidity. How can a broken-hearted man such as he ever forgive himself? He sat down momentarily, knowing he would soon take his last stand. He sat knowing that he had to make the most important decision of his life. God knows he could not live with the guilt. He took a quick glance around the room; nothing had changed since she decorated it for his 25th birthday. He now silently prayed to God to swap the decorations for the decorator; the only thing he really wanted. she was the only love he knew and one that he’d apparently die for. Her parting words to him made him realize that there was nothing he could do to remedy the situation. It would be a futile mission. In her words she said, “I invested five years in a project which I thought I could complete. I invested my entirety in those years hoping that you will develop some atom of humanity and change for my sake. I was wrong. I easily forgave you every time you hurt me both physically and emotionally. But today, I cease to release forgiveness for your sake. Have a beautiful life”.

The couch was getting uncomfortable, he remembered feeling uneasy during their few sex sessions on it. Sex on the couch was certainly not his thing but she on the other hand had a thing for the couch and he always failed to discomfort himself to please her but that is what she did for five years without complaining. Matthew probably could buy two or more of it. But it wasn’t the money, he always thought it was about his net worth. He felt he had lost Eleanor long before the incident took place. He had watched her change a lot since he started drinking but he made no attempt to change nor showed no sign of remorse. They would always verbally fight when he came back home drunk from work. Things eventually hit the rocks when he took their fights to the next level. He raised his hand at her. Yes, you heard right, he did not only stop there. He let loose that angry beast as he beat her up without mercy. He sighed as memories of their last fight flashed through his mind, she begged, cried, in fact wept but he was immune to all these. It was as though he left his humanity at the club. Those eyes that once carried love now carried unbridled fear. Fear for no one else but him. He was so ashamed and disheartened. Well, long story short, she moved out the next day and he never saw her after that. He wiped the stray droplets of tears that had found their way to his cheeks off and drew the stool closer to his side hoping to finish the note he was writing.

Six minutes of vigorous writing passed by and the only sound that could be heard was that of the clock and that of the pens rubbing their tips against the paper. It was getting deafening and I began to wonder what he was really writing. Just then he paused for a while then continued. I believe that she was getting married just after six months dashed his hopes against the wall. He sighed as he put the last words down on the paper, folding it neatly and putting it in the back pocket of his ripped jeans. He had not said anything for over an hour and even I too knew it was time. If the cops arrive, I am just a writer getting paid an insanely huge amount of money to write about the last moments of a civil engineer frustrated with life and the agony of love lost. I squeezed my eyes tightly and could feel the tears slowly walking down from it. No need to pray now because the slight crack from the ceiling fan and a sigh of shock and gasp for air could tell it all for the deed had been done. What a way to leave the world. Right now I wish I had ignored his advice not to call the cops earlier because then I wouldn’t have to end my story with this. IF YOU ARE READING THIS ITS TOO LATE.

About the Author: Joshua Wilcox, born Joshua Tamunoebube Dappa-Wilcox is an indigene of Bonny local Govt Area, Rivers state. He is currently a student of the University of Port Harcourt where he studies Petroleum and Gas engineering.
Joshua Wilcox as a writer fell in love with reading and writing novels at an early age and is part of the Soteria book publishing club in Port Harcourt. He is the owner of ‘ROYALTY GROUP OF COMPANIES’. He currently resides in Port Harcourt with his family. ‘IF YOURE READING THIS’ is his first story


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