My Lockdown Story – Chasejamison Akilah Manar-Spears,

A Lockdown Story
By: Chasejamison Akilah Manar-Spears,

aka MadamCJda3rd

There were times I only wanted to cry, sleep, and wake up in a better world. I still want to feel less pressure to make a better world. I call on my ancestors and my creator to manifest peace as my way of living. This is because I view the ways in which I choose to live my life as ancestral
statements. This can get very twisted by mental illness spread on the stolen land where I exist
(The United Snakes of Amerikkka).. Some days, it feels like the only energy I can trust is the sky. Moonlight has carried me through some really dark times.


In my moments alone, I would occasionally feel that I couldn’t handle whatever the universe is trying to restore with all this chaos. I’ve honestly been socially distancing since before it was healthy, since before I left Ghana. There’s an in between feeling I keep returning to: planning
while procrastinating, inspired while drained, sad for reasons and happy for no reasons out all. I
now know that I am a part of this major change, and that through this crisis I must always remember to maintain my visualizations of the love I want to see and be.
In this soul of mine, divine lines of our truth spiral themselves into an ever changing sky. Stories
of our future are birthed onto blank pages. Blood and tears and life became the headline of our
healing.


I want to make something clear: Coronavirus is not the crisis. The root of all this is rotting, stinking, capitalistic fear paralyzing people and preventing them from showing up for themselves
and their community. It is governments telling us to shelter in place when millions don’t have a
place or a shelter. It is depression, anxiety, and family trauma finding a home in our hearts. The
true dis-ease is disconnectedness. And not enough blood in the world could flow over the pain
that causes. The solution to these problems is realizing that all of this starts and ends with me.
With the personal person I choose to be, how I want to focus my divinity.

CJ and Mama

My writing has helped me to overcome trauma, heal, transform into love, find it again, express
myself creatively, and connect even more deeply to the collective story that is life. And after that
very long process, I came here today to tell you that we will make it through. More in tune than ever. Mother earth is resetting her boundaries and giving us space to think about the power in our
thoughts and actions. And, I am 300% here for it. During this time, and by connecting to the
divine femme, I’ve been able to overcome my depression and experience radical self love. All this and more has brought me to an even realer awareness of myself in connection with
everything. And how I could never be everything for everyone, especially when I neglect myself.

The reshaping of our collective destiny is not without intention. The trust that comes with
potential means we must recognize this process as a part of us..no matter how slow the journey
goes we are one with its flow. In the smallest moments of growth, universes are born.

Photo By: @Sageartgh

I’ll end
this post with some affirmations that have helped me through this time, and the amazing words
of Alice Walker: “Hope is a Woman who has lost her fear”.

Affirmations that have helped me through lockdown:
– Today and everyday I pour trust, positive intention, and focus into the path that I was created for.
– I am aware of the truth that everything I seek and need is within me.
– I am so much more than my emotions… I let them show, and I let them go.
– I am the blessing
– I am making my ancestors and descendants so proud
– All my dreams are manifesting with divine timing.

P.S: I also want to give a shoutout to Ari Lennox, Adomaa, Rihanna, Ria Boss, Summer Walker, Nina Simone, Prince, and the countless other amazing Black artists that have sustained my spirit.
through this lockdown.

Jah bless you all.

Kindly Check Out Her Instagram Page: @rootscollectivegh for more…😍

A Note From Eden: Dear CJ,
In all simplicity, you display brilliance at its peak. In all depths, your words carry truth too heavy to be ignored. In all beauty, you are a rainbow, glowing through the clouds. A reminder of hope and light after the tunnel. In all strength, you are a reflection of the stars twinkling through dark nights. YOU. ARE. BRIGHT. LIGHT. And I need you to keep these words safely, at the bottom of your kind heart. I need you to walk in the consciousness of these words, always. I need you to never be moved by the night, because your light is more than its darkness. Thanks for sharing your truth with us at Express-Shun. The world is dark enough. Continue to shine the light that you are.

Cheers!

Much love!!

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“The United Snakes ” really got me laughing and wondering at the same time. This is one of the best stories I’ve read in the series. Jah bless you too!

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Gina Obi May 31, 2020 - 9:43 am

“Coronavirus is not the crisis. The root of all this is rotting, stinking, capitalistic fear paralyzing people and preventing them from showing up for themselves
and their community. It is governments telling us to shelter in place when millions don’t have a
place or a shelter. It is depression, anxiety, and family trauma finding a home in our hearts.”

Truth!!!

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