A Lockdown Story
By: Quineth Aghaukwu
What Are We Really Doing?
Why do we do what we do? This is a question that I’ve been pondering on for the past three months. How big a part does the idea of ‘Freedom’ play in our decision making process?
Remember as a kid when you wanted to explore the ends of the earth, but you were never allowed. And now this, only to decide to stay indoors as an adult when the freedom finally came?
Well, this was not everyone, but those who fall under the same category can confirm it. I obviously did not come here to bore you with philosophical questions. I am making a point, I promise.
The beginning of the lockdown bode no problems for me. I mean, this was just me going on with my normal introverted lifestyle. Not only did this not affect my lifestyle, it was not a hindrance to my work as a freelance writer. So, why did it become hard by the second week? Why was I feeling confined when this was what I did before the lockdown? This feeling brought memories of times when you picked up a broom to sweep, and your mother tells you to sweep. This was frustrating, because it takes away from the fact that you were well on your way to doing it without being told. It also took away from the fact that you had the choice of deciding not to sweep. ‘Choice’ being the keyword here.
When most people get to the age of decision making, it becomes almost difficult responding accordingly to words like; “must”, “mandatory”, “obligatory”, and every other word that eliminates their ‘degree of freedom’.
Nevertheless, there is a need to find balance. This period also showed me how there had always been a relationship between the introverts and the extroverts. There had always been an equilibrium between those two worlds, and it may have shifted in this pandemic. I choose not to go into details on that to avoid a total deviation.
Staying indoors with this new found pressure really strained my creative process. People are different when it comes to creation. While some create under the most pressure, some others shrivel under pressure. I found that I stand somewhere in-between. This was how the pandemic affected my creative process. You see, I was faced with the pressure of being confined and also the lack of pressure from not knowing when the pandemic would end. That right there, is the perfect recipe for procrastination.
Mix fear with procrastination and finally ‘creative downside’, and what I got was mild depression. While this was a horrible experience that took days from me, it also gave me the strength to spring back up stronger. I may have learnt first-hand that it is not lack of fear that keeps you going, but jumping on challenges despite your fears. The best days were days when I tried, because even when there were negative answers or none at all, I was glad that I tried. This was when I knew that I was growing.
A Note From Eden: Dear Quineth,
I won’t go stating the obvious by calling you a Queen. I’ll rather just give a glimpse of the depths, of the royalty you carry, inside out. You are- an effortless display of sunlight. The kind that lightens up grey clouds. The kind that make the skies give way, as you sit gracefully on its throne, above all mediocrity. You wear a crown that glows from within the awesomeness of the heart you bear. You are light, strength and brilliance. Thanks for sharing your truth with us at Express-Shun. Continue to shine the light that you are.